Andrea Grassi's: My Mother Once Told Me To Pumice My Feet

This blog is now an archive.

2010-10-12T00:04:00.000-04:00

...because this blog is retired. BUT I will retire in a Jay Z fashion (i.e. I could come back swinging).

I need some time away from this banana.

Thanks for reading.

xo
- A

Cup (ancestors talk)

2010-10-11T21:44:00.001-04:00

In my head, this is how Benvenuto Grassi talks to me about life:

Bored to tears? -- yes, cry over wasted time. You have my handle, so hurry up and hold it.

Ambiguous (Thanksgiving) Movie Quotes

2010-10-10T20:07:00.002-04:00

"Mickey."

Click here to see what movie it's from

"But the image of Gino Vanelli, sex symbol, has created obstacles for Gino Vanelli, singer-composer"

2010-10-05T15:28:00.004-04:00

http://ginovannelli.tripod.com

I don't know what I like better... the implied distress of being too sexy, or the surreptitious inclusion of "tripod" in the URL. Above all, I am in love with the expression "toss my torso".

The hope chest (SPAM)

2010-10-04T11:35:00.000-04:00

I took a look at what was in my spam folder today. What I observed was a concentrated visual of data dissemination at its best, toying with our hopes, aspirations and emotional weaknesses - i.e. "feeling depressed?" "Someone wants you", "Your cheque is in the mail", "work less, earn more", etc.

Though these annoying and often virus-carrying email blasts are a large result of automated data aggregation, you know that there was some human behind that programming. The human that wrote that subject line that might elicit an emotional response, and a curiosity/ hope that makes some girl/guy click on the email "You have won! Collect $500". But this is not monopoly. And we all know you can't really collect.

Regardless, it is oddly comforting to me that a human is still behind these "dick enhancement"-class emails. Play on to our weaknesses, dear programmer. Only when these subject lines are coded by an automaton, will I begin to worry.

Thoughts sprung from a Starbucks

2010-10-01T08:29:00.001-04:00

I really want to write, but I feel conflicted right now. I am in a Starbucks, punching away at a MAC and submitting some fiction - I am so cliche I might was well announce to the world that I'm working on my novel... oh wait I am. This cliche is literally killing me.

And I MEAN literally - this coffee is murder. Who thinks Grande Milds start slowly tasting like poison? The milk is clouding, separating from the brew - is that supposed to happen? Bubbles form around the edge (common place) but how come the steam is rising leftwards? There is no breeze - remember I am in a Starbucks... composing mediocre prose to the tune of predictable smooth jazz and easy listening for the over 30s.

No no... I won't let myself write here. I'll probably start writing a romance novel that begins with... "Gemma was a burgeoning writer at a big New York rag. She was unlucky in relationships, and had a very independent mind... she didn't need a man... at least, she thought she didn't..." etc.

Do they make bangs extensions?

2010-09-30T12:03:00.000-04:00

I got bangs, which I instantly regret.

The nest that is the hair that you have when you do a lot of writing and admin work in a single hour

2010-09-24T16:52:00.000-04:00

curly, scary, in-a-hurry hair.

The club I was in for, you know... my morning cup of punch-in-the-face (coffee)

2010-09-23T09:35:00.000-04:00

Pretty soon, I won't fill this with just San Pelligrino...

2010-09-21T13:54:00.000-04:00

Liner Notes Promo Poster

2010-09-16T19:40:00.002-04:00

Check er out! Now all Ryan and I have to do is get our shit together!

Curious? If you want to find out more about Liner Notes, email me andrea.m.grassi@gmail.com

Is this what happens to you when you age?

2010-09-08T19:04:00.004-04:00

Do you forgo all colour choices and just (albeit unknowingly) opt for a slightly less repulsive shade of puke green? I already have a pretty monochromatic wardrobe, so I guess I'm screwed. However this meditation on age could be an overgeneralized attempt to understand the aging population -- as these two (for instance) could have just been strolling out of an intense church band practice.

Those Damn Parisians

2010-08-31T10:08:00.001-04:00

This is what I stumbled upon while walking to work this morning. I would like to know how this whole baguette came to dwell curbside. A latenight carb attack, defeated? Some comment on the ironic eco-friendliness of littering with bread? The wreckless littering of a person who had just discovered they had celiac?

Curious.

Whole baguette found on the streets. Untouched?

I want to write something about this house

2010-08-24T18:27:00.000-04:00

This is a house that is going under construction right by my work. Looks like there is a story there.

Can't you just picture a little ghost somewhere in there?

STICKY TACK

2010-08-20T16:30:00.000-04:00

Stick tack, notebook, choice highlighter, post-it tabs, sharpie...art.

Girl in blue canoe, riding a stream of creativity.

DEADFISH EDITORIAL: MARKETING THE G-20, TORONTO

2010-08-09T14:25:00.006-04:00

Deadfish editorials are things I have written that have come to nothing professionally, but still need a place in the web. Thus - blog it! Dammnit!

This was written at the time of the G-20 summit in Toronto. It is from a marketing perspective.

Experience or Exploit?

Toronto has that marketing gleam in its eye – but Toronto’s inability to control the g-20 might make us look worse than better. I don’t think anyone is looking forward to the G-20 in Toronto – from citizens to marketing professionals. The “Experience Canada” media pavilion is set to host over 3,500 journalists and media professionals from around the world. Says the director general of the summits media office to a media engagement last Sunday, “it is a great opportunity for us to highlight the best of our country to these journalists.” The thing about marketing is that it’s not only the voice you want to get out there, but you want to have the right message and image. I don’t believe all publicity is good publicity – bad publicity is bad publicity, period. The 20, 000 media pavilion cost around 1.9 million – good money spent or a waste of everyone’s time. I see Toronto as a teenager, just getting on the scene and cool, but still thinking it has way more experience than it actually does. Toronto is still trying to din its international identity, and I don’t really think a billion dollar worldwide event is the best way – think of your citizens first. The summit is expected to cause major traffic, business distractions with a lot of downtown offices scheduling to work from home towards the end of the week – even though the event is held on a Saturday/Sunday. Says Will from Toronto, an online commentator from a recent CTV article on the g-20 and it’s marketing budget:

Anyone who believes that hosting a G20 summit can help market your country shouldn't be head organizer. Can anyone tell me when they last thought of visiting a country because they saw that country host the G20? The only images you see are protesters and violence in the streets. The government is wasting a billion dollars of our money on nothing more than motorcades, fences and a fake lake.

Well said.

A detailed sign

2010-08-06T13:49:00.000-04:00

I like how this illustrates the fallout of disobeying the sign.

Procrastination (with a box of markers)

2010-08-02T23:26:00.007-04:00

This is what it looks like. I was doodling a story about Internet love, international (nothing relating to my own personal life as I am perpetually single, but perhaps something that will one day resemble my own life as I may get too old to "go out" and meet people because older single people "going out" is gross/ looks depressing; I may have to have Internet love).

It kind of sucks/ looks like my nephew drew it, but I am not ashamed and I thought I would share. I am supposed to be writing an eblast for work, but I can't write about medical applications for smartphones now (what it is about) because I just rediscovered this box of markers and this website stereomood.com which is a lot of fun. (check it out.)

Also, dealing with things colour, check out this video. "Cupcake Canon." It appeals to all senses. It is amazing (and my preferred mode of "untimely" death).

CUPCAKE CANNON from kamp grizzly on Vimeo.

Chew on this.

2010-07-26T14:10:00.000-04:00

Kas and I found these at a conv store. Can you believe these "naturally" flavoured balls?

My butt is tired. I need to find a...

2010-07-21T10:42:00.002-04:00

For those of us with "back".

I haven't found something to post yet, but I'm writing a title in hopes I find something to post before I finish typing this title because i haven't posted in a while...[nope].

2010-07-19T14:28:00.002-04:00

Found it!

Fact: When you type in "super carrot" on You Tube...you get Miley Cyrus. Coincidence?

[i know i know..who cares about carrots, right? Just because they are full of nutrients that aid vision and growth. Nature's sugary treat. Who cares, indeed.]

this shit might destroy my career

2010-07-13T17:48:00.000-04:00

re: times I am most active

sun shinin'

2010-07-13T16:26:00.000-04:00

looking out my window makes me not want to work.

WARNING! Hiway Ghost Sighting (avert children)

2010-07-12T11:28:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, Kas and I were minding our own business when BAM! we saw a for real ghost on the hiway (see photographic evidence). Legit.

And then... we had a dance party:

Francoise

2010-07-07T17:39:00.000-04:00

The best wonderbra ad, 60s

all caps

2010-06-22T14:11:00.001-04:00

lunar b day 2011

2010-06-16T14:47:00.002-04:00

.5 moon (via @deviantART)
http://timcruicky.deviantart.com/art/Moon-Calendar-160681644

More scary news from space:
Read about Coronal Mass Ejections, Solar Flares...basically the Apocalypse (via @Huffpo)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dk-matai/could-super-solar-flares_b_613867.html?ref=twitter

My favourite picture, ever!

2010-06-11T09:03:00.002-04:00

Nathan and me, June 2010

Just Cute.

2010-06-06T10:30:00.003-04:00

Taliah, May 2010

Obfuscating Life (the ending para of "Air Show")

2010-05-30T19:10:00.003-04:00

The rest of the office remains fixated on the dying plane flickering down on video on their computer screens, screaming towards end ground – their eager stomachs in a pit, jubilation turning in on it, grinning with sharp teeth and drool. Pejui, under the hot stare of Blanket Girl, is the only one that can hear the falling pilot cry - trained for years, Special Forces, one crash, one episode of anoxia. His wife has hair that smells like peeled oranges, his daughter squints before he catches her at the end of the big orange slide at the park near their house. There is pleasant warmth cradling him now, there is clarity in this journey which ends definite, traveling in one direction gaining force. Twix’s hair around his face, her little mouth opening. Pejui can hear that the pilot still screams for it, desperately: Am I alive? But what a favourable way to go, thinks Pejui: It flew, then didn’t, but we felt it all.

Ceramic, cotton, fur

2010-05-24T22:22:00.001-04:00

Big ass box of markers all for me!

2010-05-24T22:11:00.001-04:00

At work they were throwing away these old ad design markers (over 300!) - colours you can't get anywhere like slightly-warm-hot pink, and cyan-silver blue...

observe:

Curious Lingo for the Medical Profesh

2010-05-13T23:41:00.001-04:00

http://www.messybeast.com/dragonqueen/medical-acronyms.htm

When will I explode?

2010-04-25T16:54:00.005-04:00

Hairdresser (Self portrait), 2010.

The Tablet - bit included in my opus after reading April's Wired

2010-04-10T14:11:00.009-04:00

Information.

Information (/info): Creates the hilltop to stand on. Shouting down to multiples, it bookends life itself.
The first source came from faith-filled authority. Outside of the slate stone, this authority chipped away at the bodies. A message from the sky everyone took as "word".
Then, it was painted, a surface coating which became the body layers, formed by the recognized and everyone became their own authors.
Finally, it was embedded again by another faith-filled authority -- this time from the inside coded, with a different message appearing to those on the outside. The inside authors, the only credible ones.
Those authors have created the PIS (Personal Information Source) today. Everything you could possibly want or need is on your PIS: Up-to-date news feeds, customized settings for maintaining your home, office, pet. The post-file, post-reflexive ear. The Informer declared it as the end of human text's viability for innovation – and everyone listened. They listened through their PISs.
Because why would you save, or compose, or contemplate when the answers are literally at your proverbial fingertips, seared into the greatest of information bodies a few swipes away?

Some Vegas

2010-03-28T17:17:00.013-04:00

I'm writing a piece about Vegas, so I don't want to give it all away here, but if it doesn't get picked up, i'll post later. In the meantime, here are some images from our adventure. When Kasey and I look at them, we play this s ong in our heads.

Wooaaah

Kraftwerk circa 1975. Nice mood-inducing music...for SPACE! But seriously, good to revisit.

2010-03-09T15:21:00.005-05:00

In related news: Affordable jet packs for $90, 000 (via Wired Mag)

Cities of the Underworld - the best

2010-03-03T19:25:00.004-05:00

I love the History Channel's Cities of the Underworld. Aside from Ancients Behaving Badly, it's one of their best programs. The concept is to get host Don Wildman to visit places around the world that have hidden underground passages and sometimes entire cities (i.e. Naples), to explore the layers of history beneath modern day structures and streets. They have found the carvings of underground bootleg tunnels in the prohibition era, prisoner camps, opium houses, brothels, and more cool stuff. The point of the show is to televise (sometimes with completely never before seen footage) areas beyond the tourist attraction and parts of history even natives may not be aware of. Very neat stuff...

...and the host is sexy to boot.

Air show, excerpt

2010-02-27T14:35:00.004-05:00

The jets are loud above the skyline. Pejui watches everyone from the King Street location run to the south-facing window to see a barrel roll, part of an annual air show. It’s a panoramic view of the City’s tips from the office on the 20th floor, just below plumb with the playful jet. Twix screams – It’s tiny! – while slapping her hands against the glass, shooting her heels up to get a better look. Bok puts his hands on his head. The circulation department comes left office and they all remove their thick-rimmed glasses – some gold, some black, tortoise shell, but nevertheless saliently prescribed – and touch their beards to watch. The steel bird spirals and winds away smoky screws; so close the trail of exhaust lines sink to dust the tops of the high-rises.

I want drain pipes as withered as theirs

2010-02-23T20:08:00.009-05:00

Lovely legs, boys.

"Shoot da runnah/ shoot, shoot, da runnah"

2010-02-22T02:08:00.010-05:00

I really like/missed this video (click picture to view vid). A little bit like an i pod commercial...but whatever. I love it, the colour, and it makes me want to move: dance with big arm flails, or run at full speed in any direction that appears as if the jolt is to help me realize something mammoth/ defining/ mind-blowing...

Social M(alevolent)edia: internet-based “death pranks”

2010-02-18T15:24:00.006-05:00

Gordon Lightfoot is just the latest celebrity to fall victim to a Twitterversed “death prank.” Around 2pm, various sources, even some noted Toronto-based publications, tweeted that the famed Canadian folk singer had indeed succumbed at the age of 72. Within an hour, it was confirmed as a prank when a Globe and Mail columnist made a call to Lightfoot’s publicist to verify his being "very much alive."

Over the past year, false tweets claiming the deaths of Jeff Goldblum, Rick Astley, Britney Spears, and Johnny Depp have all caught fire. (Depp's prank was fueled by a hoax report falling into the wrong, hungry hands.)The pranks often lasting long enough to become trending topic, but aren’t defused quickly enough for public comfort.

Is this malevolent public voice a result of being drunk on power? To play God and shape public consciousness from an anonymous platform (and thus, without consequence)? Web-based law enforcement should be the next step.

Why have we become so obsessed with celebrity death? Ever since Michael Jackson died, I have noticed this public sadism. Are parts of us happy or wishing for this death as a validation of their mere mortality, their fall from such a god-like position in the public eye? The fall of the golden boy, the schadenfreude? Of course. How pathetic that we can't even see our own decline.

does the laughing kid paired with the sinister cookie design not freak anyone else out?

2010-02-18T14:34:00.002-05:00

#Sign of the Apocalypse

2010-02-11T17:58:00.005-05:00

Anything can get on the Internet and attempt to "legitimize" itself nowadays. Take this:

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia - (n.) "a fear of long words."

Stupid. The poor OED's ass is surely twitching right now.

Just click these:

http://personal.centenary.edu/~lgame/portfolio/longwords.html

http://changethatsrightnow.com/hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia/

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia-Fear-of-Long-Words/367113950581

Something new-ish

2010-02-11T10:30:00.003-05:00

3. Tee-off
(Close up of Andi hitting a gold ball.)
Andi:
So he cheated
Kas:
Bastard…
Andi:
I threw plates at him. And then I saw her. Blonde. Tanned.
Kas:
Whatever forget him…and her.
Andi:
I think I stepped on a shard of china.
Kas:
I know I know. I don’t know what’s wrong with us. What is wrong with us!? Relationships man.
Andi:
I’ve had a few
Kas:
No you haven’t.
Andi:
I just walked out. Him and the purchased boobs he was having behind my back

(cut to the opening scene where she walks out, but show the blonde with big boobs that is in standing in the hallway on the way out.Andi has small boobs and brown hair, so this discovery is obviously a blow.)
Kas:
(Andi sighs) … we play golf …we bitch about guys. (Hits one).
Andi:
Hit balls, yeah.
Kas:
Damn balls (hits one, goes long) – right in the midway! Well your morning can’t be worse than mine.
Andi:
Um, I confirmed Josh’s cheating and have a piece of my Aunt Roberta’s Bluebell china in my foot.
Kas:
Yeah well, I think I’ve got company.
Andi:
Family?
Kas:
No.
Andi:
A dinner party? How come I wasn’t invited?
Kas:
(Hits one)No, a hole in one.
Andi:
We’re at a driving range.
Kas:
I might have a PG rating.
Andi:
Are you sure? Like several positive pregnancy tests plus a visit to the doctors for a formal test for absolution sure?
Kas:
No, but my period is late and I threw up twice this morning while brushing my teeth. You know that aquafresh orange toothpaste...why do they make that?
Andi:
Too much exercise, bad midnight-snack?
Kas:
Or bay-be.
Andi:
Who else’s baby?
(Breathes in)

Close up of mouth saying this with a cigarette in it. Cut to scene with her and the possible stoner baby daddy with a suit on, good looking but long shaggy hair, and young. In a hotel room.
potential stoner baby daddy:
So like, Charlie sheen’s name isn’t really Charlie Sheen right, it’s like something un-wonderbread, like Carlos Estevez…like Emilio.
Kas:
Fascinating. (Taking off his pants and pushing him on the bed) we don’t have much time before they cut the cake.
Stoner:
And like Bob Dylan’s name is like, not Bob Dylan. It’s like something so like, I dunno, it’s like Russell finestein or soemthing. Really Jewish sounding.
Kas:
(Taking off clothes) wonderful, wonderful, what, really?!
Stoner:
Yeah!
Kas:
Uh huh so… (Looks down at bed)
Stoner:
Oh right, (and they hop on to the bed). I think it’s lemon cake.

Back to golf course:

Kas:

(says squinting) Carrot with Marzipan icing.

Andi:
Bob Dylan’s name isn’t Bob Dylan?
Kas:
Is that important?
Andi:
No. Fuck. So what are you going to do?
Kas:
I don’t know.
Andi:
I guess every name has the potential to be cool, or not, at birth...Bob Dylan... My everyday reality has flipped on itself.
Kas:
Oh really, cause I thought mine did.

Today (just)

2010-02-02T08:06:00.006-05:00

-> start new yellow hardcover (my little joys)

-> work on opus (and don't expect satisfaction from today's work)

-> pay bills

-> check under couches and behind side tables for the mysterious dog shit my mom insists Gidget deposited somewhere this morning.

-> look for the perfect job (vocation is not a vacation)

-> buy milk (and while i'm there, i'll get flour for chocolate cake)

-> visit my sister

-> try and figure out new ways to use my new passport

-> try and figure out ways to get to a beach

-> try and figure out a way my parents can retire early

-> remember not to look back (unless there is something I love moving too slow)

Big A shall now only refer to Big Anne Michaels

2010-02-01T02:44:00.017-05:00

The people that you meet, whether you believe in fated paths or not, invariably shape your life. This also applies to the books you meet. If you are a writer, or have a strong connection to language, you go one further and recognize the authors as the shapers. Today, after hearing murmurs of her and her perfection, I have finally met (read) Anne Michaels.

An old university friend of mine first recommended me to her. "Read her!" he said,"she writes maybe one book every five years but people wait for them because they are perfect." Tonight I took a huge bite out of Fugitive Pieces, her debut and the winner and nominee of almost every lit prize known to man.

Michaels lives in Toronto, and she is actually the aunt of a close friend of an ex-boss of mine. How cool is that? (Yes, distant distant relation, but still...perhaps one day I will have some way of gaining an interview.)

Every line felt like home. I'm not trying to flatter myself, but I felt like I was reading my own stuff - familiar like a sister; stuff that came from an older and better me. I'm not talking about subject or story, I'm talking about voice. Maybe she's just that good at connecting with her readers, but I have definitely found my new lit hero (sorry Big Annie Proulx). Again, I have no major sociological, human, or psychological loss/connection with the proper subject matter, but one line of a tertiary character's really hit me flat and real: "write to save yourself, and someday you'll write because you've been saved."

This next statement may sound grilled cheese, but that line just killed me because whenever I am finding it hard to punch on with the motherlode monstrosity of a project I have been chasing for years, I just remind myself: this writing is for survival. From there, I can go on.

Thank you, Anne. I am going to read everything you have ever shared.

If you don't like her writing, you don't know what you are talking about.

Something to the effect of eggs being in one basket

2010-01-30T12:23:00.006-05:00

I am a single focus kind of girl -very faithful to any one task - which normally I wouldn't think was a bad thing, but lately I can't help but notice everyone else around me getting a lot more done. I have been monogamous with one big project for what seems like forever, and I can't seem to gather enough energies for anything else. I AM USELESS!

More citrus? Vitamins? Maybe jogs? What to do, Universe?

now and 60s (then)

2010-01-30T06:18:00.006-05:00

Watching Franco Zifirelli's 1968 Romeo and Juliet (with the stunning Olivia Hussey), you can't help but scream out "Zac Efron!" every time Leonard Whiting who plays Romeo comes on screen. He even captures that innocently hopeful, yet strained, presence Efron embodies in all his films. (By "all his films" I really just mean 17 again, are there any others?)

Behold:

One year later another ladykiller, Woodstock co-creator Michael Lang circa 1969, will debut the look that will make another New York native very famous 40 years later -Andrew Van Wyngarden of MGMT.

Behold:

It's important to write something beautiful, but it's also important to write about something

2010-01-25T04:19:00.004-05:00

-> Looking for my audience; the right truth.
-> Got some feedback on my fiction today that surprised me. The plastic reading experience can give the writer a power to tell a truth they didn't even know they knew.
-> I want to move to San Francisco. Will I ever get to India? Or France? Or Italy? (Right now, some great force really doesn't want me to!) - my passport application was rejected 3 times, and my accommodations have dissolved.

Where/ When?

Tha BBC

2010-01-22T13:18:00.008-05:00

I've started following TV shows, which is something entirely new, and I have to say the BBC kills us all with original content. I particularly love the shows IT Crowd (2009 hiatus) and Mighty Boosh (stopped in 2008). If you don't watch them, you should. Also another reason why I love them is that they star these two beauties (respectively): Chris O'Dowd and Noel Fielding.

motorized chariot racing

2010-01-21T20:52:00.003-05:00

Motorized_chariots_racing
Uploaded by joeyjack. - Dramatic race and crash videos.

Watching this just kills me. Hilarious.

FEAT FEET/ STRAY SHOES

2010-01-09T12:38:00.002-05:00

Charles F.'s of Winter Gloves., Yonge and Dundas strays.

A very Darcy christmas

2009-12-24T16:44:00.003-05:00

As my last post was about Pride and Prejudice, let me just keep it together with the following babe:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Ok, let's talk about Pride and Prejudice ..and Zombies

2009-12-11T13:58:00.010-05:00

Today it was made public that our beloved Natalie Portman (and I say this collectively because everyone loves her) is set to produce and star in the film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - a NY Times bestseller and a 21st-century attempt at making OUR beloved (another truth universal) Austen story bearable to the nonliterary (or ADD) public.

Earlier this year, I reprimanded the book. I was outraged. But I didn't feel solid enough in my disdain. I didn't want the blatant idea of it to be enough to deter me, I had to read the book for myself. (Pride and Prejudice is, and remains, one of my favourite stories of all time.)

I must admit, it was funny. (Especially the first proposal scene which instead of an "uncivil" argument, turns into a throwdown and Lizzy slams Darcy against the corner of the mantelpiece - extreme!) Zombies - the "unmentionables" - are added to create another motive for women to be "accomplished" - being well trained in the art of ancient Asian-style combat. But it isn't Elizabeth's wit or beauty or conversation that attracts Darcy as in the original (though it is implied she has all these things), but rather her unparalleled ability to fight and kill the zombies (in one scene she takes out three ninjas and eats one of their hearts). And so, the primary problem I have with this book is that we lose most of the Elizabeth we love - her charm and her witty remarks often replaced with scenes of spearing heads and round-house kicks.

Quirk books, the publishing house that has been twisting these Austen classics (the next is Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters), is admittedly ingenious. Spinning old, public prose with a preserved fan base is the best publishing ploy I've seen in a long time.

Reading it, I always thought it would make a great modern movie, and figured it was only a matter of time. And now PORTMAN - a Princeton grad, a respected actress, usually doing serious roles - has decided to take on the film. WTF! I am so torn, I both love and hate this at the same time. In any case, I will definitely see this. Johnny Depp as Darcy? Please!

I'm feeling low, but it could be worse (see below)

2009-12-06T20:29:00.002-05:00

ELF Yourself

2009-12-03T22:57:00.005-05:00

My pal's brother, who is away in Halifax for school, made a video greeting with ELFYOURSELF.com for his family, a personalized greeting service powered by Office Space and Jib Jab. It's hilarious. Watch my pal's family as disco elves here. (Hope you guys don't mind I'm posting this!)

I made one for my sister and her family here. Try it. It's the best!!!

UPDATED:
Kas, Joce, and I (hoe down below, click picture) - done by Kas - BRILLIANT. I love Christmas.

AGE I-N-G.

2009-11-25T10:26:00.004-05:00

--> when someone twitters: "is totes sleepy & didn't even sleep. major lamzor," to this says "what??!!!!". - lost touch with all neo acronyms
--> feels the rain when them ball bones move in them sockets bones
--> shorter hair; baggier clothes - burns halter tops, bans horizontal stripes
--> squints to read the overhead menu
--> purchases water at the movies
--> carries a real leather, generic wallet - no graphics (including animal patterns)
--> gets mad at teenagers for being so loud; subsequently calls teenagers "disrespectful" and vows to avoid having children in order to preserve unborn children from the horrors of the new teendom.

Oh Mother 1/2

2009-11-08T21:34:00.003-05:00

Food? and lit faces

2009-11-01T22:37:00.014-05:00

(Below)Rosetta Apple: I literally said "whaaaat" after I bit into this. This one may just twist the old "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" and send you straight to the hospital. (Left) The avocado: "Slimcado" - is another a mystery of modern food engineering, and the reason why I fear in vitro meat will soon be coming to market.

(Left) A sketch I did for the IFOA. Notice Big A's impeccably mimicked fro. A national treasure.

Swine Flu

2009-10-28T21:42:00.005-04:00

[I don't want to make light of the situation, but this is an on-quote dialogue with my mother ]

Setting up my computer. My mom is on the couch with our two dogs Gidget and Hunter lying on top of her.

Mom: Did you wash your hands?
Me: What? I'm just setting up my computer.
Mom: Did you wash your hands today?
Me: Yeah...
Mom: OK good. Cause you know there is a swine flu going around and it's pretty serious.
Me: Really? I hadn't heard of it.

Work(man) feet (FEAT FEET/ STRAY SHOES)

2009-10-18T18:05:00.005-04:00

The feet of Hawksley Workman. He's sexy. His feet, not so much. But then again, are feet even sexy? No.

Chills

2009-10-12T20:56:00.003-04:00

1) The loss of a public conscious. Why are we suddenly obsessed with celebrity death? Why are magazines using it for sales? I.e. a lot of rumours about certain celebrities dying. Most recently the Zach Braff trending topic on twitter and the rumour that he died. WTF people. Maybe this is me thinking the worst but was the Rick Astley death rumour a ploy for publicity? In this dragon cage, I wouldn't put it past a PR team. Since Michael Jackson's death, we' ve had one celebrity death/ month. This isn't some sort of curse, it's just that we are capitalizing on the exploitation. A tribute or memorial is one thing, but...

2) The photo called, "wedding ghost" (scroll down): http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://scienceofghosts.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/ghosts-or-no-001.jpg&imgrefurl=http://scienceofghosts.wordpress.com/2009/04/04/&usg=__7ORhj3Zwp9Ob_Y8lhqAK0HSDX04=&h=480&w=640&sz=41&hl=en&start=123&um=1&tbnid=3fCyMfuXNYeg0M:&tbnh=103&tbnw=137&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dghosts%2Bin%2Bpictures%26ndsp%3D18%26hl%3Den%26rlz%3D1I7GFRE_en%26sa%3DN%26start%3D108%26um%3D1

I don't even want to paste it on my blog it is so scary. I don't really believe in ghosts, but shit.

Profile: Sugar Bush

2009-09-30T17:57:00.007-04:00

Anomaly because: There is no name in your memory recall system for this one. Unnameable and completely new.

It is inherently odd, it can't even fit into any wrung in the animal kingdom. (Unless there is one for pastel-coloured deer-like things.)

Are all pink animals with flower tits frozen in horny mode? They must be. It just seems right. The photographer calls this thing Sugar Bush, but I came up with Fawndle, and I think it is pretty darn witty.

Photo by Johnny Rokkit made available under a Creative Commons License

On the bathroom wall

2009-09-30T16:27:00.004-04:00

I had to pee at union station this morning. Here is a thread of a gem sharpie-while-I-dump conversation:

First person writes the statement and/or question:

We're meant to lose the people we love...how else would we know how important they are to us.

To which someone aptly replied:

Love them while they are here. How about that?

To which someone double-teamed:

Yeah you stupid cunt, how about honouring them by not writing about them where 1, 000 people take a shit!!!

Duly noted. I don't really think that is what Joni Mitchell meant when she said, "you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." The loveless instigator is also probably the author of, "I had sex with my cousin, and I liked it" - also on that same wall.

On The Mark this week

2009-09-28T14:59:00.001-04:00

On the docket this past week:

1. Canada gets a "D" for addressing poverty issues — Rob Rainer, executive director of Canada Without Poverty, explains why.

http://www.themarknews.com/articles/509-freedom-from-want

2. David Suzuki tells us that what we don't know about genetically modified (GM) foods might hurt us.

http://www.themarknews.com/articles/507-better-than-nature

Weekly drag: The sad reality about Fox news - link -

I Cannot wait for this movie. Nine from Rob Marshall (Chicago)

2009-09-27T13:32:00.001-04:00

My Office

2009-09-20T20:06:00.009-04:00

Reflex Observation: It appears that I like green.

MOMENTOUS: I GET $50 for making shit up!!!!

2009-09-18T15:06:00.004-04:00

My story, Baggy Orange Shorts, got published as one of eight prize winners for "The Summer of Funny" at Pique magazine in Whistler. My story is at the bottom. They say it is in "no particular order" and we all receive $50 big ones. HA! Special thanks goes out to Parker, my former creative writing teacher, and Claudia, fellow writer/supporter/voice (bahaha do I sound like an asshole yet?)

This is what the magazine has to say about the outcome:

Every season has a mood. Fall is for reflection, winter is somber and serious, and spring is the joy of rebirth. Summer has always belonged to the jesters. It's the season of humour writers like Stephen Leacock and P.J. O'Rourke, of ice cream stains on khaki shorts, of bellyflops into just swimmable lakes, of people going "ooh, ow, ah," while waddling across hot beaches with soft feet, weighted down with folding chairs, beach bags and coolers. The heat makes us dizzy, the cold beer and deck chairs make our problems seem less serious.
I'm pleased to say that Pique received a lot of great submissions to our first Summer of Funny humour contest this year, almost 20 submissions. Judging was extremely difficult, as nothing is more subjective than comedy. Some people are partial to scatology, a branch of humour that is focused on the things we excrete like sulfurous gas and poo. Others defer to irony, which is ironically the most difficult type of humour to define because it tends to disappear the moment you point it out.
...
Without further ado, here is our list of prize winners, in no particular order. All of our submissions will be posted online so you can judge for yourself, but these are the entries we enjoyed the most.
As for prizing, the editorial board - Pique writers could not agree on any kind of ranking for our finalists and the consensus was to share the $400 out among the top eight entries.

READ IT HERE. (scroll to the bottom)

Photo sorcery

2009-09-14T22:00:00.006-04:00

The magic is in the lie that I know what I am doing sourcing photos for work.

outtake 1: CDs (Plastic, dead, but cover art and liner notes, we will miss you in hand) as bad for the environment. I figured I would let this shoddy piece of amateur shop art go. It looks like a composite for a environmental satire or bit for a bogus news bulletin rather than for a legit essay -- Every 3 CDs Produced Uses 2 Pounds of Fossil Fuel. I never really intended to put it up, but I thought, for a moment, it could be good. That moment was a flash, very sparse and I was soon saved from my own humble heart for patchwork progress.

Milky Way

2009-09-14T14:58:00.002-04:00

zoomable version.

Like Powder

2009-09-13T20:21:00.009-04:00

Gentleman Reg is so gorgeous. I just can't stop staring at this picture. I think I'm enticed because he is the POLAR opposite of me. Male. Gay. Ice Blonde. Fair. Sculptural.

Someone say "Hey, Blondie. You are frosted like striking, like powder; pure, real pure..."

In other music musings, Mason Jennings is coming to Toronto in October! woo hoo. I love that faith-filled hippie. It's at the Mod Club though, poo. Will have to endure.

Ambigous Movie Quotes

2009-09-12T13:09:00.001-04:00

"Atlanta!"

Click here to see what movie it's from.

Big DC

2009-09-09T19:43:00.007-04:00

I snapped this badass photo of Big DC (Doug Coupland) from the West Coast, in Toronto today.

Meta: Old School

2009-09-04T16:57:00.004-04:00

Photo by Wools c/o Flickr

Gino.

2009-08-31T00:21:00.003-04:00

Cause every once in a while, you need some vintage Vannelli.

Like Bang! But, I kept walking with the pictures.

2009-08-28T20:14:00.005-04:00

Walking down concrete stairs at the train station, I imagined I fell; it was a picture so severe that I had to run my tongue along my front teeth. It would have been like: bang! No, it would have demanded it's own sound effect.

But I didn't fall.

Grassian: New Marketing.

2009-08-27T16:08:00.009-04:00

-> All treats should come with an alternate unit for serving porportions "when high".
I.e. Deep and Delicious, Chocolate. McCain's. Servings: 12. (Servings when high: 1.5)

-> Stauffer's should come out with a box of diet Animal Crackers called: Endangered Animal Crackers. Consumers will feel bad for eating them, and then won't.

-> Twitter should sell t-shirts that say: Twit or Tweet? Those would be huge around Halloween. I don't know what you would do to "Twit" though...maybe condone social networking or the isolationist behaviour that twitter perpetuates.

(I, personally, love twitter. Follow me. andGrassi@twitter.com. I'm on it right now. I've been on it all day. Just sitting at my computer. No one is home, so I listen to classic rock really loud, too. Sometimes I dance along, or pretend that I can play an instrument. Everyone should be in a band, if only in their heads.)

sneak re-peek

2009-08-26T15:38:00.001-04:00

Two women on the train are talking in front of me. One’s holding a peach and she’s given up on her looks – grey short hair, no make-up, fat arms and legs in a pink tank top. Three stud holes in her ears make me think she’s had somewhat of a wilder life. Either that, or she is nearing fifty and unfolding her “before I die” checklist. I don’t really understand the aesthetics of many stud holes anyhow. You’ve seen one... The two women are talking about their dentist, Dominique. Apparently he’s very gentle. “my kids used to argue about going in to see him first,” says the other women. Little thinner, but with the same I don’t give a shit attributes – shorn hair, peppered with grey and a yellow tank top with with jeans and white, generic sneakers. She has taught skin though. Makes me think that she doesn’t work, she looks so well rested and unsacaved by the world. I feel more haggard at 18 than I’m sure she ever felt in her whole fifty or so years.
“He’s been so busy lately” continues three ear studs. “So busy, that he got that new dental hygienist.”
“Oh yes,” says taught skin, “isn’t she just gorgeous. You’d think she goes out all the time, but all she does is just sit around. She told me that. She said she doesn’t even go out to parties.”
“Really! But she’s so young and pretty.”
“I know, I couldn’t believe it either.”
They continue to talk about Dominique the dentist, how caring, how calm and good with children, how funny. You’d think they were auctioning him off.
“Oh he’s been so busy though,” repeats taught skin. “He doesn’t even say hello or hug me anymore…he always does that.”
“He never hugged me,” says ear studs. “Ever. I don’t think he ever hugged me. No, actually he has.”
“I was also invited to his wedding.”
“What! I didn’t know you guys were that close. I didn’t even know he had a wife, I thought he was single. I was hinting at setting him up with my niece last year. Now I just feel like an idiot.”
“But his wife left him since”
“What! How come I don’t know any of this.”
“Maybe you never asked.”
“Isn’t that a weird thing to do? Hug someone, but never tell them your personal issues?”
“maybe he wanted to keep them secret. I’ve been going to him for twenty years.”
“My kids have been going to him for twenty years."
“Maybe you should have talked to him about this stuff. What do you guys talk about?”
“I don’t know, the weather, the news, my new pool, the price of teeth bleach, regular everyday stuff.”
“Well maybe you should have dug a little deeper. We talk about family a lot.”
“At the dentist? Like while you are in the chair?”

Then, taught skin, in her ragged mental state, looks at me strange. I hadn’t noticed I had been staring at her coldly. Almost transfixed by the unraveling hypothet of a relationship she hadn’t known had been imagined.

Ambiguous Movie Quotes

2009-08-23T16:01:00.001-04:00

"Oh, Thanks."

Click here to see what movie it's from.

Wallahs.

2009-08-22T14:09:00.008-04:00

...Wish these shots were mine...

Ambiguous Movie Quotes

2009-08-19T23:50:00.004-04:00

"What's that smell? (kicks carcass)"

Click here to see what movie it's from

PROFILE: killer 90s songs

2009-08-13T22:09:00.008-04:00

Anomalies because: great rock emerged out of weird pant choices - flannel? mod robes? palazzos? Silver pleather?

PRIMUS - "making plans for nigel"

Good baselines, like white reggae.

OASIS - "champagne supernova"

I was once driving in a Honda echo for 8 hours to Pennsylvania; Oasis saved us.

PIXIES - "Here comes your man"

amazing riff. a little bit of a silly departure, and a brilliant video.

ACE OF BASE - "All that she wants"

they use a tuba keyboard setting. whispering background vocals.

BLUR - "Parklife"

speaksinging. lovely English cadences.

PJ HARVEY - "Rid of me"

"lick my legs, i'm on fire." one of the queens of weird pronunciations.

SMASHING PUMPKINS - "We only come out at night"

Should have been the theme to a kid's show. I know this is a weird choice, but I fucking loved this song when I was like, thirteen.

DANDY WARHOLS - "Bohemian like you"

a neat little song. was obsessed with this when 16. cheesy I know.

I'm sure there are tons not on this list; but hey, I was a pre-teen, what did I know about music then? At least I don't have smashmouth or sugar ray on here, OK.

a first: dino comes out to play - my feeble attempt at tech humour

2009-08-12T19:53:00.012-04:00

Read about "binary code," listened to "Masterfade" by Andrew Bird, and then wrote these caprecious sidebars (At least, ill-educated, I think these make sense...and are subsequently funny. They fire to my newly schooled, but still dinosaurly inclined, tech cells anyhow. A few axons missing? Maybe a defunct synapse here and there...) Comic (not mine) probably the funniest thing about this post. But hi-ho, i'll try...

- > BA:

"Does this HTML look good on me?"
- >DA:

1 (position 8) says to 1 (position 10) of the word 0110110101100001011100100111001001101001011000010110011101100101 ("marriage"):
"Once you're in a base-2, you just think about all the other whole numbers you are missing out on."
- >BING!:

"I hate these uniforms."

-> GA-LING!:

"Your chevron, my chevron."

Profile: This Post.

2009-07-26T15:17:00.002-04:00

Anomaly because: I have an extremely demanding work schedule.

Let's go meta. When you have nothing saliently anomalous, talk about the fact that you don't have anything strange or odd to report (which is subsequently strange and odd given this world favours diversity). I feel a lot like this opening scene from Tom Hank's Joe vs. The Volcano:

sneak peak...

2009-06-28T17:27:00.002-04:00

Real time -- falling in love for the first time, having an accident, losing out on a job, having a kid -- is always silently bad or good. There is no spectacle for the pain or the happiness, it's only amplified by the intrinsic. Why is that? Why can't music be there to punctuate it? Nothing in life is as magical as a music video. Even when it looks like one – a muted one. That’s how Cassidy felt when they broke into Turvy’s inground pool. Three friends and her -- young firm, prime -- ripping off their summer clothes, releasing pony tails and hat hair, jumping in the pool half naked in clothes that will render transparent when water-logged. The thrill of being caught in someone else's backyard. There should have been some punk song blaring, a shaky camera, underwater kissing. But there wasn’t. Real time is just splashes and laughter, and Noodles ploughing down the diving board; his duck feet clapping the end before he becomes a falling cannon ball.

PROFILE: Wolfgang Wildner; amateur photographer

2009-06-15T15:13:00.000-04:00

Anomaly because: He may have the highest frequency of both self-induced and touristy-yet-not-taken-abroad shots on Flickr.

Wolfgang Wildner's photography can be found on Flickr. I discovered his curious brand of photography while sourcing photos at work. He comes up in almost every search and, in the majority of streams, every photo is the same - a shot of his face looking skywards in front of a monument, crowd, or scene. This guy has been everywhere (but I don't mean internationally, I just think he takes his camera everywhere he goes). Remember the gnome in Amelie? - same magical oddity (although slightly less acceptable, because, hey, this is real life not a quirky french film). I hope these photos will be combined into one art installation somewhere - "the global face" - and that's it.

What is he looking at anyways? I've seen his You Tube feed and I'd like to think he is an artist of some sort (definitely a slow-burn). Thus, I could interpret his stationary pose in varying locations as a commentary on the unaltered sky; its unchanged perspective from anywhere in the world. (Generous maybe).

In any case, I celebrate him - a very colourful, lone straw.

(well, for the most part).

NEWS: THE OTHER MARKET INDICATORS OF THE RECESSION

2009-06-14T17:43:00.000-04:00

Anomaly because: Other than by a market analyst, these strange theories would go largely unnoticed. Thus, you would never get to laugh at the absurdity.

Did you know that skyrocketing lipstick sales are a prime indicate of the recession? Well, Matt Phillips of the Wall Street Journal blogged so on Saturday. Read the article in full here.

Are these just positive/negative correlations over analyzed or what. First thing you learn about correlations in school: they cannot be concluded as causation. Never the less, strange things like Kellogg's cereal and age, hemlines and economic activity, and, according to Phillips (and the Associated Press), the demand for cardboard boxes are theorized as connected.

Strange indeed.

NEWS: WORLD CUBE ASSOCIATION ANNOUNCES FINALS WILL BE HELD IN GERMANY

2009-06-13T13:55:00.000-04:00

Anomaly because: Everyone in the room will be able to solve that dang thing.

The World Cube Association has announced the 2009 championship will take place Oct 9-11, in the city of Düsseldorf, Germany. The competition is the association's fifth Rubik's championship worldwide. International cubing professionals will be competing in a series of rounds including one-handed, blindfolded, feet-only matches, while using cubes ranging from 4 to 7 inches cubed (the commercial Rubik is 3 inches cubed). The aim: to get the fastest time.

The wrists and nimble fingers of cube demons Erik Akkersdijk (Netherlands) and Yu Nakajima (Japan) will be something to watch out for (both average around 11 seconds). But don't expect veteran, Mátyás Kuti, to fade out. Holding the most world champion titles, this native of Hungary has a few Rubik Magic switches up his sleeve for current champion, USA's Patrick Jameson.

Cubers unite!

PROFILE: The Honey Badger

2009-06-12T16:53:00.000-04:00

Anomaly because: It will go head first into a beehive, kick dirt in an eagle's eye, and can recover from snake venom within hours.

AKA "Mellivora Capensis" (Latin) and "Ratel" (Africans), the Honey Badger is a medium-sized black and white mammal from Africa. It is a close likeness to the skunk (a skunk with a crew cut). Kalahari natives have seen it chase lions. The badger was dubbed the world's most fearless animal by the Guinness Book in 2002. See for yourself:

You Tube video courtesy of TigerPrides

Now you know. So if you're ever in the Serengeti, don't do this:

Sparkle glove; grab crotch; rhinoplasty; pleather; red leather; "whoo-hoo!"

2009-05-31T21:06:00.013-04:00

UPDATE:(JUNE 25)
Intuitive, no? I guess this is my tribute...sad. sad.

After a pal mentioned it, I watched Michael Jackson's 1988 pastiche docu-bio-musical Moonwalker. Amazing. I somehow forgot – with all the crazy media stories of monkeys, balconies and blankets – how awesome a footprint Michael Jackson has made. I've been watching vids for the past hour – nuts. This one – much later – makes goosemounds. I actually think Michael was hot. Even in the '90s. And just look at Janet – shit.

Something I Remember (In progress)

2009-05-24T13:29:00.003-04:00

On route to Cape Cod, 1994, we were in our van counting blue cars and collecting license plates. Sister and I had a book that we would have to mark them down in as we saw them go. I think that might be illegal nowadays. But it was a book, like a colouring one, nonetheless. Then we were playing eye spy. And pretending to eat play-dough, fooling the passengers in cars stopped beside us. I pretended to take a bite out of a play-dough hotdog to a group of teenagers on the i-95.

They couldn’t get enough of the production. Laughing hysterically at the prefect synchronization of faux bite and faux chew. The way I made the play-dough hotdog look so real, the way I angled it and fit it behind my mouth on my cheek. The boy in the passenger seat in particular admired my production. Eyebrows raised, mouth wide, he was in a full toothy laughter. I did this again, to a young couple in a white sedan. This time with a play dough cookie. They liked the performance as well, probably curious as to why they cookie was blood red, or what type of cookie it was. Zia told me to stop, but I had too many fans on the road now.

Mom was bare feet on the dashboard. Her red hair blowing out of the hair sprayed formation in the car wind – the kind that isn’t real nature wind, but only blows because you are moving. Dad at the wheel, with his ray bans and a thick brown moustache with a hint of handlebar. His forearm rests on the top of the wheel, at the helm of our Ford. Sister and I start singing, “Memories” from the musical Cats, and after the first chorus my mom turns and gives a look of both adoration and fury. Only mother can master these dual facial expressions, giving her children just enough fear without fear of maternal alienation. You could probably even call these transpirations maternal.

We are going to Cape Cod for a summer holiday, one week. Zia is single, tanned and beautiful. Long black hair with thick bangs, a smooth figure, full of relaxed health, and a perfect profile (something hard to come by in my family plagued by the busts of ancestral Romans). “If you ever leave anything to me in your will,” I say to Zia, nine years old. “Leave me your nose.” Zia comes with us almost everywhere, even when she had a boyfriend, she would come with us without him. It is because of Sister and I, I am sure, and not my parents. Sister and I are young, and Zia always wanted kids.

I’m wearing an outfit Zia bought me for the car. It is a jumper, like parachute material, in neon pink and green, with zippers all over. We count the zippers (12) and pockets (4). Sister is in a “tomboy” phase, so she wears white canvas sneakers a baggy t-shirt and long black shorts to her knees. Her wavy hair is in a ponytail, two elastics strong because her hair is so thick.

NEWBORN

2009-05-16T13:24:00.002-04:00

World...Taliah;

Taliah...World

xxxoooooooooooooooooooo

ONE MONTH

2009-05-09T16:43:00.004-04:00

I turn 24 in exactly a month...let's blow the roof off this year. I'm thinking of doing something I should have done ages ago...a vodka bar. Thoughts?

I have so many goals I still have to meet before I cease to be 23...here's to ploughing through the next 30 days...

From Benvenuto: A recycled post/ the reason I passed Can. Lit

2009-05-03T12:45:00.012-04:00

Benvenuto gets heavy

Above is an original essay written by myself exactly a year ago. It is about Yann Martel's Life of Pi and its concept of spirituality. It was published on my old blog last summer when I discovered it was the only reason I got out of Can. Lit alive, completing my English major and allowing me to graduate.

Thesis: Infinity can only be realized through the transcendence of uncontained perspective. Martel’s account of Pi presents the notion of spirituality as the human approaching the unbound, transcendental and thus, infinite.

I'm posting this again because a family member of mine needs to read this. Revolution is nothing new, but you get caught, trapped on a roundabout, unless you try and move against its pull, towards its axis. Religion is one of those roundabouts, a label.

Pandemic.

2009-05-02T14:31:00.017-04:00

--> Big, fat pharma: the Swine Flu makes money (after all, it is tackling Westerners).

Freestyle Hut:
"taking advantage" - a kin of the white lie; ignited by the recognition of opportunity and forging an infinite pathway between your intentions, mouth and asshole.

--> Something from the New Yorker that really didn't impress me: It's written by filmmaker Noah Baumbach, and he's best pals with my love Wes Anderson. It really reveals the netting of the network. Stick to celluloid, Baumbach.

--> Why is there never wine at our meetings?

Editorial meeting at Punch; late 19th-century

get young.

2009-04-25T15:14:00.005-04:00

*it's amazing what weather can do...

A new dress -- smelling like a new costume did when I was younger.
Summer breeze, chiffon, with sun.
(Yes, chiffon.)
It's a Saturday to get young.

Overheard

2009-04-21T20:40:00.003-04:00

"Today I got an email from Mazda wishing me a happy birthday...it's not even my birthday for another three months."

Mazda says, "we play our chances for a sale." Otherwise known as 1 in 365.

MOTHERLODE

2009-04-18T13:58:00.009-04:00

Free Style Hut:
"Artist" = accepting of zeros (and the absence of any greater number proceeding them in order to generate wealth).

-->I've noticed teaching your art generally produces more money than practicing it. Thus, the adage "those who can't do, teach" should be edited to: "Those who can't just do, also teach."
--> I always spell motherlode wrong ("motherload") -- I always forget. But honestly, half of the time I spend typing, I am not really at max thinking. I have come to hate the clack of a keyboard (even though it is a signifyer of productivity). I think someone should invent a completely silent keyboard. Have they done that already?
--> New spring dresses always make me smile. (Seriously. Wearing one could even make optimistic...fall in love...use the word "fantastic")
--> Because most of this post is floating on the morose, I will add this video to lift the clouds:

Destroyer

2009-04-14T21:13:00.005-04:00

Conversation on the GO train. The woman saying this is (brilliantly) sitting right beside a GO ad advocating the "green" benefits of taking the train to work every day. This is another distilled example of...of...

Destroyer: We have this tree on our lawn. It has berries or something, and it is beautiful, but when all those things fall off, it is such a mess for my lawn.

[the tree she is talking about is a crab apple tree. My family had one on our lawn all fourteen years we lived in Mississauga]

Destroyer: So we're going to get rid of the thing. If I had my way, I would put concrete all the way up to my house. I hate raking.

[Saints we are not, but my family obviously didn't mind raking]

...the train approaches Toronto, she continues to tell tales about her yard work...

Destroyer: That green box thing is not for me. It smells in the summer and everything. Maggots. Ew.

[In Toronto, as of March 2006, the program was diverting 100,000 tonnes from landfill each year]

Destroyer's Friend: It's the circle of life.

Destroyer: Well that circle can happen somewhere else. Not mine.

...if a lady doesn't recycle in the suburbs, does anybody hear it?...